Smoke Rings in the Dark
by Shadowfax
Summary: Rogue and Gambit angst with a twist.
1. Smoke Rings in the Dark

I do not own the characters being used in this story, and no matter how much I wish I did, I never will. "Smoke Rings in the Dark" is sung by Gary Allan, I do not own it! It's a really great song, and I encourage you to download it, buy it, request it from your local radio station, whatever! Get your hands on a copy of it. Heck, call me up and I'll play it for you over the phone! It's that good. This was written as the direct result of reading waaaay too much sappy fanfic, so beware... =]

* * *

**_Smoke Rings in the Dark  
-_**

He'd had it. This time he had definitely had it. That woman drove him absolutely crazy, and he still had no idea exactly how or why. Just something about her... She looked at him and his heart melted; she spoke and he was her willing slave. But a man could take only so much- he needed something in return. He needed to know that she felt the same thing, or at least something like it. Something! But even as she melted him she froze herself, and she hid everything away in some secret place that no one could ever touch.

_well I won't make you tell me_  
_what I've come to understand_  
_you're a certain kind of woman_  
_I'm a different kind of man_

Untouchable. Yeah, that was his Rogue. He wanted so badly to show her how he could love her in ways that didn't require contact, touch her in ways that knew nothing of the physical world. But she always pushed him away. She had lived the doctrine of "untouchable" for so long that she believed it with more truth than anything else. It was a mantra she chanted daily; something as much a part of her as waking up in the morning.

_I tried to make you love me_  
_you tried to find the spark_  
_of the flame that burned_  
_that somehow turned_  
_to smoke rings in the dark_

There had been love- wild, uncontrolled passion and soft, quiet moments. Sometimes he wondered where it went, that passion, when they fought. Oh, how he loved her! But the words that fell from his lips were more often mocking and scornful than the soft words of love his heart urged him to speak. It was easier to be sarcastic and distant. In his own way he was untouchable, too.

_the loneliness within me_  
_takes a heavy toll_  
_'cause it burns as slow as whiskey_  
_through an empty, aching soul_

He wanted so badly to change that, to finally get close to someone and love her with his whole being. If only she would let him. She danced just out of his reach, taunting him- when he came close she tossed him away, and when he left she cried out for him to return. He always came back, and her eyes always melted his resolve that this would be the last time she used him like that, he was really leaving and not ever coming back...

_and the night is like a dagger_  
_long and cold and sharp_  
_as I sit here on the front steps_  
_blowing smoke rings in the dark_

He never went far. Maybe his body got as far as his home in Louisiana, but his heart sat in the next room waiting for her to whisper his name and he would come running back and take her in his arms. Sometimes this was as far as he could bear- feeling the cool stone of the steps against his back, staring at his motorcycle through the smoke that twined up and into infinite darkness from the cigarette in his hand.

_I know I must be going_  
_'cause love's already gone_  
_and all I'm taking with me_  
_are the pieces of my heart_  
_and all I'll leave_  
_are smoke rings in the dark_

It all came down to him- to whether or not he would leave. She never left him, but she never came after him either. She just sat there- everything locked away inside- waiting, knowing that he'd be back. Well, it was time. Time to scrape his heart up off the floor. Time to end it once and for all.

_the rain falls where it wants to_  
_the wind blows where it will_  
_everything on earth goes somewhere_  
_but I swear we're standing still_

Their relationship was caught in an endless bitter cycle. Well, remove a piece of the cycle and it couldn't continue. He extinguished his cigarette under his boot and rose from his seat. He went straight to her room- the way was burned into his mind. Nothing opposed him, the mansion was still as death, and he knew that he was right and this was the way it had to be. Looking down at her face as she lay sleeping, he saw there were tears dried on her cheeks. He prayed only that she didn't open those beautiful eyes before he'd finished his last good-byes. He sat softly beside her, and slipped off his gloves.

_so I'm not gonna wake you_  
_I'll go easy on your heart_  
_I'll just touch your face and drift away_  
_like smoke rings in the dark_

One arm slid under her shoulders and held her to him, the other stroked her hair. Bending down he brushed her lips with his. She stirred and he leaned into the kiss, bringing his hand up to stroke her cheek. _À bientôt Chère_, he thought. _See you soon..._ Soon he'd be gone forever. Soon he'd be coming home for good.

_I know I must be going_  
_'cause love's already gone_  
_and all I'm taking with me_  
_are the pieces of my heart_  
_and all I'll leave_  
_are smoke rings in the dark_

---

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Weird, huh? =] I like surprise endings... anyway, please review. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!


	2. Already There

Selected lines taken from "I'm Already There" by Lone Star. Once again, I own nothing but the strange ramblings of my twisted mind.

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**Smoke Rings in the Dark: Chapter 2- Already There  
-**

_What did you do?!_ she screamed at him, clawing wildly at his face and pushing him away.

_Easy, chere_, he soothed her. _Easy. 'S okay..._

_Okay?!_

_Shhh..._ He held her close and she relaxed against him, bonelessly, hopelessly.

_Remy, ya can't be here! Remy... I... I killed ya..._

_Non, chere. Nobody's killin' anybody._

_But Remy..._

He kissed her long and hard. After a moment she responded, twining her arms around his neck and running her hands up through his hair. He leaned back a little and smiled at her. _Don' know 'bout you, but I never felt so alive._ He touched her face softly, marveling at the small gesture that had always been forbidden to him before._ If the rules don' work, we make our own._ Closing his eyes, he brushed his lips ever so lightly against her face in search of her mouth.

**_I wish I was in your arms_**  
**_lying right there beside you_**  
**_but I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight_**  
**_and I'll gently kiss your lips_**  
**_touch you with my fingertips_**  
**_so turn out the lights and close your eyes_**

Trapped in that space between dreams and wakefulness, she jerked herself to consciousness. "Remy?" she whispered. Voices darted above her, but not the one she listened for.

"Should we tell her?"

"She'll figure it out soon enough either way."

She frowned and tried to open her eyes. They felt so heavy, as if weighted down by the knowledge that she would not see the face she wanted to. "Remy?" she asked again, stronger this time, demanding an answer.

_Right here, chere._

She opened her eyes hopefully. "Remy? Where..."

"He's not here Rogue."

"But I heard him say..."

She could hear him laughing. _Non chere. **Here!**_

She pressed a hand to her temple and groaned. "What did I do?"

He kissed her cheek impishly. _You didn' do nothin' Rogue._

_How can you say that?!_ she demanded. _Is this a game to you? Stop playing with my mind!_ She shoved him and stomped away, hoping maybe he'd just leave.

No such luck. He darted after her and, grabbing her, shoved her against the wall. Her lip curled in annoyance and she opened her mouth, ready to lay into him in the way that always seemed to hurt him the most. To her surprise he kissed her again. _You know the hardest part of being alive chere? Not being able to do t'is to stop you from arguin' all the time._ He kissed her again, softly this time.

_But Remy..._ she sighed. _This isn't real._

_Who says?_ His hands ran down her body, and her response was definitely not just in her imagination.

**_I'm already there_**  
**_don't make a sound_**  
**_I'm the beat in your heart_**  
**_I'm the moonlight shining down_**  
**_I'm the whisper in the wind_**  
**_and I'll be there till the end_**  
**_can you feel the love that we share_**  
**_oh, I'm already there_**

She pushed him away. _If this is real, than where are we? _she demanded. _Where is this place? If you're here, than am I? Or are you real and I'm a dream?_ She shook her head in confusion and despair of ever figuring anything out.

He placed a finger under her chin and lifted her eyes to his._ What do you think?_

Her eyes betrayed her surprise. _What?_

_Chere, there's no way this can be real if you don't think it is._ He sat down, as if preparing for a long wait, and pulled out his deck._ An' I don' seem to be convincin' you._

_That doesn't make sense._ She shook her head, but thought about it a moment. If it was real to her, and it was real to him... In their line of work they had learned early on that reality was something the boundaries of which were not as defined as one would think. But allowing herself to believe that something good could come from her power was beyond the realm of reality. Happiness... It couldn't be real. Could it? She explored the possibility, poking at it, seeing how it reacted. It felt good... but oh so frightening! Opening up like that, allowing someone else to get that close to her... to hurt her.

_I'd never hurt you._

His voice was so soft she barely heard it. For a moment she thought it was because he was fading, and she wondered why that thought saddened her. She turned around. _I know._ She was surprised to find that those words were true. _I know Remy. I just..._ She shrugged. _I just never really believed myself before._ She sighed. _Too bad we had to come this far before we... before **I **could figure it out._

_'S okay chere._ He repeated the words of comfort he had offered earlier. _Maybe we's supposed to come t'is far. Maybe t'is where we're supposed to be._

She tilted her head up at him in a gesture of contemplation. _Ya think so? _She smiled and held out her hand to him. He took it with an old-fashioned courtly gesture and pulled her toward him. She traced a bare finger down his face and shivered. _I'm scared Remy, so scared. But... maybe together we can be strong enough. Stronger than we ever were apart._

_I'd never hurt you Rogue, and I'd never leave you. I'll be wit' you 'til the end. An' beyon'._

She smiled.

Ororo looked down at her friend's still form as Rogue lay resting in the bed. She was surprised to see the other woman smile. "Rogue?" she asked softly.

"He's here, 'Ro. He was already there. I just had to catch up..." She looked up at her friend, her eyes reflecting the love in her heart that she had been unable to find before, but that now seemed so clear. "I never saw it before, but 'Ro- I was missing something... him. He is the other half of me..." She yawned and curled up on the bed like a kitten. "I'm not making any sense. But he knows, and that's all that matters." She relaxed for the first time in a long while, the mental siege she had hardly been aware of finally resolved, and slipped off to the place where her love waited.

**_I'm already there_**  
**_take a look around_**  
**_I'm the sunshine in your hair_**  
**_I'm the shadow on the ground_**  
**_I'm the whisper in the wind_**  
**_and I'll be there till the end_**  
**_can you feel the love that we share_**  
**_oh, I'm already there  
-_**

**_

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_**lol Whacha think? I think there's another chapter left somewhere in me... and as soon as I get inspired, I'll write it. Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed. =]


	3. Valentine

Just in time for V-Day... a big old angst fest, so get the hankies. =] "Valentine" is sung by Martina McBride with piano accompaniment by Jim Brickman. I think that by now you've realized that if I owned X-Men there would be some things that would be very different...  
In memory of someone I've lost, who will always be with me. _Merci, cher à mon coeur._

* * *

**_Valentine  
-_**

The day was cold and dark. Could it be anything else? Ororo... she was taking it hard. The wind tore at Rogue, trying to pull her clothes from her stiff, unmoving frame as it whipped the clouds across the sky. People moved around her, but she didn't see them. Murmured platitudes echoed in the hungry wind, but she never glanced up. She only had eyes for the dirt that she held in her hand. It was red, like his eyes, against the black background of her glove. As if watching from a long distance off, she saw herself open her fingers and let the fistful of soil crumble to the ground. She heard the soft thunking as it hit the heavy wooden lid of the coffin. She stood, watching as shovel after shovel of dirt was poured down. She didn't remember how long she stood there, but eventually someone came up behind her and took her arm to lead her away. A detached part of her thought she recognized Logan, but the information meant nothing to her. Her body let him lead it back to the car and direct her toward her room when they arrived back at the mansion, but her mind was on it's own journey.

_If there were no words_  
_No way to speak_  
_I would still hear you_  
_If there were no tears_  
_No way to feel inside_  
_I'd still feel for you_  
_And even if the sun_  
_refused to shine_  
_Even if romance_  
_ran out of rhyme_  
_You would still have my heart_  
_until the end of time_  
_You're all I need_  
_my love, my Valentine_

After a day in the cold wind, she shivered for the first time here in the warmth of her room. The cold hadn't affected her. How could it after what she had done? Her face contorted and her eyes misted. She suddenly burst out laughing. There was a warmth deep within her that welled up and filled her whole being. She remembered Logan's glance as he left her alone; the one that said he was asking himself if he _should_ leave her alone. She giggled as she sprawled back on the bed. Alone? No, she was never alone. Not with all the people in her head keeping her company. And now... Now she'd never be alone ever again. In _any_ sense of the word.

_All of my life_  
_I have been waiting for_  
_all you give to me_  
_You've opened my eyes_  
_and shown me how_  
_to love unselfishly_  
_I've dreamed of this_  
_a thousand times before_  
_And in my dreams_  
_I couldn't love you more_  
_I will give you my heart_  
_until the end of time_  
_You're all I need_  
_my love, my Valentine_

He came to her as she lay spread across the bed, a stray splash of determined sunshine highlighting her hair and her brilliant smile. The sun was shining brightly in her mind, as he leaned down next to her. His fingers traced her jaw and his hair brushed her cheek as he raised his face to her. Their eyes met and she leaned forward, her lips hungry for his.

_Bonjour, mon amour._

_It's always a good morning when I'm with you..._

_And even if the sun_  
_refused to shine_  
_Even if romance_  
_ran out of rhyme_  
_You would still have my heart_  
_until the end of time_  
_Cause all I need_  
_Is you, my Valentine_

_You're all I need_  
_My love, my Valentine  
-_

**_

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_**


End file.
